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APRIL 2005

Here is what you'll see in this issue of MyBabyConnection.com Newsletter

1.Get Your Baby on TV
2.Feature Baby Products
3.Article:  The 5 B's of Effective Parenting
4.Hot Sites to See!
5.Motherhood Quotes
6.June Next Drawing - Tell Your Friends


SEE YOUR BABY ON TV!
REMINDER: Send in those home videos of your baby(s)so you can share it
with the world!! Coming in June 2005, an exciting Brand New TV Show
called, "Oh Baby, You're on TV!" on the Oxygen Network!  They need your
home videos of your baby(s) (ages 0-4yrs) to feature on this show.  They
want all of you're home videos, from everyday stuff to birthdays,
special moments ,ect.  Just send in your copies today - they need them
ASAP!!

CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT HOW TO GET YOUR BABY'S VIDEOS ON TV
http://www.mybabyconnection.com/Oh-Baby-TV-Show.htm

 
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**FEATURED PRODUCTS***
********************************************************

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****************************************************************

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The 5 B's of EFFECTIVE PARENTING
by: Guy Harris

I hear the questions again and again: "How do I get my child to .
    ·.quit whining?"
    ·.do their homework?"
    ·.clean their room?"
    ·.do the dishes?"

And I hear all kinds of answers for each situation. Here is my proposal,
rather than handle each situation as an isolated event, let's look at
them in light of what we know about human behavior.

Events that appear to be random, isolated behaviors actually fit into
predictable patterns for most children. If you understand the patterns,
you'll know what to do in most situations. I've developed the five B's
to reduce these patterns to five easy to remember and apply principles.

So, let's get started.
 
1.  BE POSITIVE
People -- including children -- do things for one of two reasons: to
avoid pain or to pursue pleasure. As a parent, you constantly work
between these two options. If you use lots of negatives -- like
punishments -- to drive behavior, your child will do just enough to
avoid the pain. Rewarding good behaviors rather than punishing bad ones,
improves the chance that you'll get cooperation and not conflict from
your child.

Noticing unacceptable behaviors and stopping them with a punishment is
easy. It takes effort to recognize good behaviors and praise them.
You'll need to do both; but the more you recognize the good, the less
likely you are to see the bad.

2. BE SPECIFIC
Make sure you speak to your child about specific behaviors. Whether you
administer discipline or offer praise, the more specific you make your
words the better.

Let's say your child interrupts you. Many people get angry and tell
their children to "stop being rude and inconsiderate." Well, "rude" and
"inconsiderate" are interpretations of behavior, not behaviors. A better
statement would be, "I don't appreciate it when you interrupt and
challenge me. I see those behaviors as rude and inconsiderate. The next
time you speak to me, I expect you to wait your turn to speak."
Depending on the situation, you might even take a further disciplinary
action based on the rules of your household. Whether you take further
action or not, focus on specific behaviors and not interpretations.

Here are some examples:
·Good girl (or boy), bad girl (or boy), rude, inconsiderate,
disrespectful, arrogant, obnoxious, flighty, unfocused, smart aleck, and
pushy are interpretations.
·Interrupting, rolling eyes, speaking loudly (or softly), shrugging
shoulders, looking away, walking away, tone of voice, and slamming the
door are specific behaviors.

3. BE CERTAIN
People act based on what they expect to happen to them in the future.
Whether it's avoiding pain or pursuing pleasure, it's still about
expectations. Your child needs to know -- without a doubt -- what to
expect from you based on their actions.
We use pre-defined family rules and behavioral expectations as a tool to
improve certainty. Children need to know the rules. They need to know
what to expect when they follow the rules -- and when they don't.

We put a list of five family rules and a list of both acceptable and
unacceptable behaviors on our refrigerator. We never have to discuss
what is or is not appropriate in our household. We defined it together
and wrote it down. As parents, we then enforce the pre-agreed upon
rules.

4. BE CONSISTENT
Consistency works in close partnership with Certainty. It is Certainty's
twin in the daily struggle to raise happy, healthy, respectful,
well-behaved kids. Your children will never develop a sense of certainty
if you don't consistently apply your household rules.

For example, if whining and complaining are inappropriate today, they
had better be inappropriate tomorrow. If you give in to the behavior to
get them to stop whining, you just taught them that whining is okay.
Unacceptable behaviors should never give your child their desired
result. If it is unacceptable, it is always unacceptable. Even the
glimmer of hope that it might work for them is enough for them to give
it a try. They have to know what to expect from you each and every day.

For me, consistency is tougher than certainty. I'm great at setting the
rules and communicating them to my kids. I'm not always so great at fair
and consistent application. But, I realize, easy or difficult is not the
issue -- appropriate or not appropriate is. So, my wife and I constantly
strive for consistency when we enforce the rules in our house.

5. BE IMMEDIATE
Act now. When your children do something worthy of praise -- do it now.
When your children do something that needs correction -- do it now.
Delayed consequences have very little impact on behavior.

Let's look at our adult behaviors to illustrate the point. I like
cheesecake. Eating cheesecake offers me both immediate and future
consequences. The future consequence is negative -- I could develop a
weight or blood pressure problem. The immediate consequence is positive
-- it tastes good and gives me pleasure. When I have the opportunity to
get cheesecake, I find it difficult to resist. Why? The immediate,
certain positive tends to overshadow the future, possible negative.

The definition of immediate can change depending on your child's age.
For example, your ten-year old might respond to a disciplinary action
that happens 15 minutes after the event. With a four-year old, you had
better correct the behavior on the spot -- even if other people are
around. To a four-year old, 15 minutes is a virtual eternity.
Acting immediately has an added benefit for you when the behavior is
inappropriate. If it continues without correction, you are likely to get
angrier every time you see it. As you get angrier, you will probably
have more difficulty keeping your response proportional to the behavior
(i.e. - not blowing your stack). Act now and you'll probably maintain
control.

There you have it -- five simple principles to guide a wide range of
parenting situations.

As I sit writing this article, I can think of times when I haven't done
it right. Nonetheless, I offer the 5 B's in an effort to help all of us
become better parents. Collecting my thoughts on this topic reminds me
of the right way to work with my children. Writing them down helps me to
stay on track.

Some or all of these ideas may be completely new to you -- but maybe
not. It's more likely that you've heard some of this information before.
Maybe not in exactly the same way, but you've heard it. If this is new
to you, I hope it helps you as a parent. If it's old-hat, I hope it
serves as a reminder to help you stay on track as well.

Copyright 2005, Guy Harris

About The AuthorGuy Harris is a Recovering Engineer.His background
includes service as a US Navy Submarine Officer, functional management
with major multi-national corporations, and senior management in an
international chemical business. As an author, trainer, speaker, and
coacn he helps entrepreneurs, business managers, and other
organizational leaders improve team performance by applying the
principles of human behavior. Guy co-authored "The Behavior Bucks
System(tm)" to help parents reduce stress and conflict with their
children by effectively applying behavioral principles in the home.
Learn more about this book at http://www.behaviorbucks.com. Learn more
about Guy at http://www.principledriven.com.
 

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******************************************************
 *HOT SITES TO SEE**
******************************************************

The RetroBaby - http://theretrobaby.com/index.php?ref=8

Something Sweet Personalized Candy Wrappers -
http://www.somethingsweetcandywrappers.com

Simply Wonderful Things - http://www.simplywonderfulthings.com

Infant House - http://www.infanthouse.com

Patty Cake Fashions - http://www.pattycakefashions.com

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MOTHERHOOD QUOTES
********************************************************************

Some mothers are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it
is love just the same, and most mothers kiss and scold together.  
~Pearl S. Buck


She never quite leaves her children at home, even when she doesn't take
them along.   ~Margaret Culkin Banning


Motherhood has a very humanizing effect.  Everything gets reduced to
essentials.  ~Meryl Streep

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Michelle Floyd
www.MyBabyConnection.com
Connecting YOU to the Best Baby Sites on the web!

 The Best Baby Sites are on MyBabyConnection.com